Memorial Day. I honor and recognize this day and all those who have given all of themselves so that I have the freedom to bloviate on the internet and wail about things as specious and ridiculous as a quest to slenderize myself. Such a huge offering.
Alright, last day of the three day vacation. The great gasp before we plunge into the proverbial abyss of summer events.
So, what I require of myself today is a bit more giddy-up and go. This is why I’m typing to you from my bed before 10:00am in the morning with not a great deal today except to proffer up one more daily plan of goodness and progress.
Well, we giddied-up and went. Today took an unexpected turn and my sister decided that it would be a good day to go out and check out Red Rocks. Silly me, I thought, Red Rocks, that’ll be fun. Which isn’t to say it wasn’t, but of course, once we got ourselves packed with a lunch and driven over there, I felt groggy and irritable and the thought of tripping through the undergrowth, sidestepping rattlesnakes, and basically all the significantly unpleasant things you might associate with hiking reared up in my head. All of a sudden, my little anxiety-ridden mind pulled a screeching halt to “this will be fun” and it played a little sequence of You, honestly, truly, despite the fact that everyone else is doing it, physically cannot go on this trail. Played it in that voice that I have spent a very long time listening to and so I pulled up short, gazed out the distance halfway up the ramp that would take us to the ampitheatre and dizzily made my way back down, letting my sister go on ahead. I was dehydrated and this incline in elevation would make the blood vessels in my head pop and I’d start crawling on my hands and knees. These were the kind of out-of-control, completely groundless and wasteful thoughts I had. They frustrate the shit out of me now, but in the moment, they always, always feel like the truth.
Curious as I am to see the ampitheatre and having never actually been to a concert here despite living 30 minutes away most of my life, I still meekly went back down. Not knowing what to do with myself, I walked around the parking lot, almost 3/4ths of a mile until she came back. Then, I thought, well, this is kind of bullshit on my part. This is kind of annoying for me to do. To come all the way out here and not take advantage of it. We got ready and everything. I don’t want to leave with that shitty feeling hanging on me the rest of the day. So we went and did the trail and while it was hard in some spots…I didn’t panic or freak or spaz and was kind of a normal human being for a minute. So glad I did that. Next time, we’re going up the ramp. I can climb the Great Wall of China, I can climb this, easy.
It’s all easy, in the end, when you get your brain out of it.
Today: 160 on the nose. Less salt, more water!
Goal: 155 by June 15