My new favorite thing to say is “But it doesn’t have to be that way anymore.”
I want to say that all the time now. About nearly everything. I want it to be my new catchphrase. Is the sky blue? Yes….But it doesn’t have to be that way anymore.
Oh, we can’t go out for breakfast – we woke up too late and now life is blurry and I’m already exhausted. True. But it doesn’t have to be that way anymore! And it wasn’t! So now I am full of the Universal’s Cornbread Rancheros and
So, I’ve made a firm decision.
Tomorrow I am not starting a diet. Everything says yes, gung ho, now, do it, 20 carbs, total comfort, 30 minutes on the bike, throw in a walk, strip all the sugar out of my meals, start doing yoga, start to the power of 20. Because this is the window.
No. I just am not going to play the three-weeks until my birthday game, then I throw myself on some chain restaurant food because I “deserve” it and then guiltily struggle through the next three months, have a another summer surge and then because of stress and life, spend fall and winter trying not to think about wasting time. How many years has that happened? Only every year since I became aware that dieting was a thing, more than that, “my thing” and high and low tides aside, it hasn’t worked out. I am just one of the statistical masses. Hate to say it, but it’s true.
So, it doesn’t have to be that way any more..
That’s kind of a relief. I may, in fact, drink an Atkins shake. I am going to do some cleaning and some (10 mins+) time on the bike. Try and suss out some vegetables to eat. Drink some water, write it all down as best as I can recall. But that’s it. There is no carb limit. There is no step counter (yet). I might check my weight for the first time in six months. I might not. There is no perfection. It’s just a start to get a few good habits comfortable enough to take root. There is nothing to flub up. No promises made. I just want to be elsewise, so I’m doing other things. Goals are distant guideposts. My focus is in here, on me. On writing and reading and showing up and building up capacities to be open and ask people into my life and keep progress I’ve made over the past two years rolling and growing into something easier for me to show. Validation is okay. Wanting to have someone talk to you about your life and choices and your struggles and absences and tell you they see you is not shameful. I want to be able to do some work and get it packaged up and sent out into the world. The greek chorus only knows what it knows. What I know.
Also, princess stories, Kate Beaton, Miranda, hot bath, talk of bummer moon wars, the delights of Mark Hamill’s twitter account, Regina Spektor (as is required), and so freely not sad about a goddamn thing.