I wasted my time watching 80% of a Bachelor episode. I tried to tell myself it was part of this whole mental shift of being more open to the idea of love, surrounding myself with romance and dating as if it could somehow flick a switch by the power of osmosis. But mainly I just wanted to see women being catty to one another which is a term I hate for a practice I hate and I wish I had been tougher on myself and just turned it off. Plenty to do and sleep beckoning with a 7:30am meeting tomorrow as well as the prospect of the dentist to face, but still I proceeded to stare at these women make fools out of themselves for the love of a dude who is capable of telling 8 women he has feelings for each of them at the same time while they run around like snow bunnies being useless.
But not all of my night was wasted because I did something I was pretty sure I was not going to find myself capable of doing. I drove shortly after rush hour to the scrapbooking store. Which is a whole new level of hell, but that’s hardly the point. The scrapbooking store is a place I have been driven past a bajillion times. But it’s outside of my comfortable driving area. I don’t have the turns memorized and I don’t know in advance what lane I have to be in so I don’t get shuttled off onto the highway which is one of my biggest fears. But, I mean, I know the way. I know it isn’t far. I know generally what the intersections look like and I know, typically, how busy it is. I knew I could do it.
That didn’t stop me from calling my sister and hoping she’d ride with me to do it. She didn’t answer her phone so I was sitting there in the parking lot. And I thought about how I generally thought I could do it. I mean the danger seemed kind of puffy and nebulous and easily ignored in light of the fact that I had to get these errands done and the therapist asked me to practice driving on my own.
So, suffice it to say, I did it. I went a bit screwy with nerves and went around the back way and scared the shit out of myself once, but I did it. I went, got lots of items from the creepy vault of vacant women (and one vacant dude) for my project, and with a minor delay, went home. This is another step. This is a little tiny bit of momentum. This is the clouds gathering that will bring the lightning that will wake the monster.
Now to find my fitbit and see what the scale says in the morning. It’s not been really kind to me lately. And oh, shit, yes, going to Guthrie, OK. That’s happening. Something to get excited about. Another reason to get back up.