I am amidst a hundred different feelings and I think my sanity will emerge once I know how the night is going to go. Are we going to trivia? Am I going to do the laundry, I had ought do? Am I going to futz with my poor ukulele who doesn’t deserve my cruel, but sincere ministrations?
The night has progressed and mainly I know I’m tired.
It smells like a gross combination of weed and beer and skunk outside.
I am considering not washing the blue out of my hair for tomorrow. My boss will be flying overhead when I turn up to my desk and while people will comment, at the moment I don’t give shit one about comments. It’ll probably be too faded by then to see, anyway. The smallest doses of revolution and anarchy are warranted right now and I’ll take my two-week sip before trying my best to re-lace the corset.
Here’s the thing I think I know today. I’m a creature of joy. Sometimes a rather gluttonous, self-involved creature, but I genuinely believe our purpose as humans is to feel. As an empath, sometimes that overtakes me a bit, but when I lock myself down to that ebb and flow, it’s like giving up food and just intaking pre-processed nutrients through a tube in your belly. You can live that way, you can survive on that, but oh, how can that be considered a choice for a healthy person with working teeth and a palate? Let’s not paint all the walls white, please.
So, we sucked terribly at trivia. A, in her infinite wisdom or whatever, decided not to go which was, ultimately the best decision. Sitting there, trying to recall eight vice presidents behind Dick Cheney, my resolve to be there started to waver. My younger sister had a headache and we left early as our possibilities for victory were mathematically insignificant. And I’ve paid my cell phone bill and am getting my tickets to fly to Nashville and back in August. Or at least half of them, so that I can double, double check that my ride will be able to get me when I’ve set myself up to arrive. A bit important, though I think I’ll have a little bit more downtime, alone time, exploration time on this trip. I don’t know how the timing will all work and if the internet friendships and acquaintanceships will transmute well into real life friendships, etc, but I’m relatively unconcerned. It’s hilarious to me that driving three miles on major roadways gets me absolutely shaken, but throw me thirty-thousand feet into the air and shoot me hundreds of miles from home and it’s an adventure! It’s a magical journey that cannot be bound by the simple anxieties of the likes of me. I really love that about myself.
The soundtrack that ITunes is giving me as I type this is making me rather logey.
I did also want to say thank you to the new followers, before I close this window and forget, bless your souls for wanting to put up with this madness.