I am right in the midst of disbelieving that I have to go to work tomorrow. After a rather lackadaisical week where the boss not being there and telling me she didn’t care when I came or went so long as things got done (well, she put it much more nicely than that) and where I came closer than possibly ever to the idea that I want to quit (it being a given that I want to quit from, but the much more important part, really is where I would go to and that’s not even begun to be processed) my job – now I have to bottle all the loose anguish and get my shit together. Sorry for the crazy sentence construction there.
I have…been angelic in some areas (food, exercise, keeping up for one week this idea of eating properly) and I have been pretty terrible in others(spending half the day accidentally playing Civ V.) If I wonder, and sometimes, I must admit I do, where the time goes and why I’m not able to corral myself and behalf with intensity in the direction of my dreams. Why I’m always short on time when it comes to the big ideas. Well, it’s because five hours in a row slipped away while Montezuma crushed his enemies and eventually went into space. That and I’m petrified to force myself to be exposed to anything that might make me stronger. In part, I’m sure, because in order to get over that mental bridge you have to settle yourself down, strap yourself in and say, I am not the sort of person who can give more than an hour a day of her very precious time over to the video games.
That said, I have Bioshock: Infinite on as I type this. I took a break because it is only a little bit petrifying. I’m one of the few, I’m sure who ended up playing the base game without playing the original two, so now that we’re in the setting of the first two (is that a spoiler?, apologies if it is, but surely if you know enough about this to care one way or the other, you’ve already played it), I’m properly unnerved. So this is a break from that as the room gets extra dark and I have to contemplate what else to have to eat because I know my calories are under.
I should mention that today was our belated mother’s day celebration, which was extra nice because of the little scare my mother had yesterday. We got lost for 30 seconds until she remembered the right name and location of the restaurant she wanted us to go to – but we did get there. And I did eat something that was not a pancake or a waffle or anything syrupy. If I’m dead honest, it was a bit bland, but I’m so glad she had a good time with all of us there and we could be grateful. You know, as you do.