The more, the more, the more.
We begin and then we crave.
It could be anything.
No one knows, but I am tucked away in the hidden room, writing my five hundred words. There is no one to check on me or worry about my whereabouts. There is nobody so desperate to find me that they can’t send me an email or message to respond to first. I am out of view, cloistered away and remembering, oh so briefly, and even in this sterile environment, exactly who and what I am.
Things have something like a positive shape. I did laundry last night and put it away. I emptied the dishwasher and put things back into it so they’d be ready to go. I have some interest in cleaning countertops and maybe hoisting my petard on a bike whilst I watch my beloved Critical Role and help my mother book her flight to Tampa to see my aunt. It’s quasi, I don’t know, pleasant? It is space that other things can go.
I don’t know how to do it. How to bring it up. I want us to be official FWB. I want to have official freedom for what is around me. I don’t want to cause any pain or issue any ultimatums. I just know the things that I know. I don’t want to move and he, seemingly can’t/won’t visit or meet me in the middle. I can visit him there, but I know the longer intention doesn’t allow for that to matter. I have a job here that, I guess, for the time being and spill some salt, I like.
Drank my shake. Felt normal. Went to the grocery store and got rotisserie chicken and celery and a block of nice Australian cheese and ate happily my small share as my appetite is pretty manageable these days so long as I keep on top of it. I am feeling normal. I also got another bacon-wrapped beef filet medallion to cook up with some butternut squash noodles. I’m a month in so I am fine with the butternut squash noodles. Going to give my birthday present of a spiralizer (just because this is the world I live in, and I didn’t want anyone to think weren’t wildly cosmopolitan) a whirl and try and get some squash and zucchini noodles with a modicum of fuss.
It’s been a full month since any Chipotle has crossed your editrix’s lovely lips. It’s been a full month since I felt so crazed and unstoppable with my need to feed. Since that insatiable need for sugar all the time, every moment ran through me. It’s been
I am not sure what the end result will be. I guess I’ve lost 7 pounds. Maybe not. Who knows. I just am committing to the time frame of the year. That’s always helped.