I am grateful for the inner strength to click the link and see that the therapist doesn’t cost $40. The therapist costs $240 after insurance. I misunderstood this completely. And I don’t think that I need to spend that every month to talk to myself. To be told I have a lot of shit going on in my life. Not when I have this page I am so grateful for to spill my guts and to say I don’t know if we’re ever going to say I love you and I don’t know that I want to, but maybe I don’t know what I don’t know and I refuse to say it over the phone, I refuse to say it without all of this being made to be understood in real-time, real-breathing, real eyes, so it has to hang in suspension over my head. I am grateful that I clicked and now I can cancel the appointment on the 21st and address the issue, pay the bill, not incur more trouble without knowing what it is I’m asking for.
I am grateful for everyone helping the people in Texas, the people in Florida, the people who will suffer because of things so far out of their control they become massive, deadly, exhausting jokes.
I am grateful that my friends exist and carry me through these weird times, talking about AIM and internet days gone by with a sheen of nostalgia that can’t be erased.