A Fury

I cannot tell you the last time I have written in a coffee shop.  I don’t even care that it’s just the Starbucks down the street, I have gotten up on this day off and decided to get myself a change of pace rather than just hanging about at home until the last moment before I absolutely had to go.

Proactivity, you know?

Getting to take the rose gold, on-trend, laptop out on the town as it was meant to be.

It’s such an odd feeling.  Perhaps I should save the second half of today’s post to tell you how I am post-therapy, post-eclipse.  They say it will change you, the latter, and I hope the former will do something for me even if I’m probably putting way too much weight on the possibilities that a very first session with a new therapist can provide.  Still, what will I say? How will that go?  And will there be some genius thought that filters and sifts through all of this nonsense that helps me through the way it has with past therapists.  I know we have to start from the beginning.  A very good place to start.

I should have brought my book – I meant to – I got too excited, I think, at the idea of being awake and not at work, of writing and just keeping my own time for a little bit and ran off with the computer, but not the charming little Guards, Guards!  Reading, imagine that?  Me just reading for pleasure and kicks, and refilling this well full of language juice. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to be able to write something somewhat compelling again?


So, it seems laughable to sum up the remainder of the day in just a few hundred words, but I shall try to just be chronological.  I went to therapy.  I met the therapist, a young guy, who got my name wrong to start, and I didn’t like the light in his room.  It was just next door to my former therapist’s office and where her light was warm in tone, this was very harsh, it felt a bit like he had just moved in, but….at any rate, I found myself with that first therapy session vomit of trying to say everything all at once.   Trying to map my anxieties for him, trying to not feel too vulnerable and yet to be as forthright and earnest and gung-ho as I could be.  He was so quiet for a while, and seemed like the most supportive man in the world, which, I wonder, if for me, is just not supportive enough.  I will just have to think about this.

Beyond that, the eclipse that really wasn’t much to write home about.  Sorry! I’ve heard much different things from friends.

Then, somehow, I ended up watching a Let’s Play for Hellblade and suddenly, my brain is blowing up with thoughts of how amazing and fascinating and cathartic and crazy it is and then there’s work and so…I’m not deeply improved, but yeah.