Fridays are good days to get listy.
- I am feeling good because it’s Friday, and because I started on the road to take care of something work-related – other steps are not mine to take – but I did as was asked of me even though I was pretty anxious about it. Mostly because anything under the sun has the potential to make me anxious, but yeah, it was tackled today, it was not left to rot over the weekend.
- Sometimes I feel like I should do hardcore low-carb, but it doesn’t teach me how to live, how to chill the fuck out about food and how not to allow it to be a sedative. Right now, I feel as though even if I’m not eating all the vegetables I might or even if I’m eating a fair bit more sodium than I should, I have awareness of it. Like I am aware of the fact that the restaurant we’re going to tomorrow – Texas Roadhouse (we have a gift card and are taking the parents) – has a brownie on the menu. Eh, I like brownies. I eat that brownie, I’m not breaking a rule, I’m not “naughty” or “failing” – but I am eating 800 calories. 800 calories! And my body would slow down to a crawl to process that and I would go drifting into a sugar coma and I’d lose the rest of the weekend. It doesn’t have to be that way anymore! Tracking – even after the fact – is just helping me learn the impacts of the habits I already have so that as I gently course correct, I want to do more. I want to win the day by eating a bit less than I might have, not prowling the kitchen when I might have, not picking the fattiest, heaviest thing on the menu with this defeated attitude that it is the only thing that would make me happy. I don’t want to feel defeated by eating under 20 carbs for weeks and weeks and not getting anywhere and then saying fuck it all, and not daring to look at the scale for another six months. That does get you somewhere – 20 pounds away from where you started and having to cobble together enormous force to start dieting. Instead, I am tracking, getting on the bike for 10 minutes of physical activity, doing 10 situps, and reiterating my business to myself over and over so I know this is what I’m working towards. I want to be free. I don’t want to be beholden to patterns of food or being made to feel okay through food anymore. So I’m probably not going to order the brownie. I’ve been able to keep up these things so far this year and I feel good about that.
- And tomorrow, instead, for dinner, we’ll try cauliflower soup with creme fraiche. I can do all sorts of magic shit you don’t even know I can do.
- I’ve finished 2 of the 52 books I aim to finish reading this year. Mindy Kaling’s Why Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? which I liked, but didn’t love. I would get close to relating to her, close to finding it hilarious, close to delightful, but in the end, not really. Sorry! Ah well, on to the next one.
On to tomorrow!