Better now than later.
I have to go to work in an hour. Or half an hour. It is flying by this morning, even faster because I am desperate to hang on to each individual minute.
Today is a day where I have to practice transcendance. I have to just do what is asked of me and not think too carefully or specifically about it. I do not want to go back to old habits and old ways and suffer needlessly over things I cannot control.
Huzzah! I transcended. Transcent? So, the thing that is giving me the worst strain in the universe right now is no better, but the fact that I survived a drug deal potentially gone wrong and snowy dark roads without panic is noteworthy. I am as surprised as you are given that the ride in, when it was as dry as the Gobi Desert, still threw me into the shaky-shakes because I didn’t drive yesterday for more than a few minutes I guess, or I ate the wrong thing, or whatever. But the ride home, possibly because I was concerned and had been thinking for five hours while writing outlines and to do lists I hopefully will read again at some point, and felt it was incredibly reasonable to be so worried, I chilled the fuck out and focused. (That’s an awful run-on sentence. I just want to recognize that I recognize that.) There wasn’t room for the escalation into panic to happen. I don’t know if that’s a tactic I can take forward or not. I tried to call on The Faithful Light, but she sort of seemed to think I didn’t need her, there wasn’t room for her either, so instead, I just drove home. It feels like a profound victory that may melt away when this snow does, but I will have to drive in it again tomorrow, so we are facing these fears like it or no.
What else is there to say? I am now about to embark, having finished Jessica Jones, on a new spree with an Australian murder mystery series that my friend recommended – Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries or something like that. I realized they were all on Netflix after watching a half dozen ship vids. It looks to be set in the 1920s in Melbourne and the lead actress has the most fabulous black bob and swanky, 20s attire and looks just smashing and I think it will be a cozy sort of way to relax before night comes along and smacks me into tomorrow.
I also watched Rollergator today. I feel profoundly changed by the experience. I feel entirely grossed out by my brief Soultaker-based interest in Joe Estevez. What on earth was I thinking? What was he thinking “starring” in a movie featuring a baby gator puppet that can’t move its arms? Ah well.
I gathered up two words I knew once but have a better grip on now: limning (depict in painting or words) and redoubtable (a formidable opponent). Use them in a sentence today.