Right Said Nobody


Content first, then the razzle dazzle.

So I need to get a few things turned on, a few things turned off.   I am less alive than I am an old-timey switchboard operator.  How may I direct your call?

Day one of the four day weekend where I am again insisting that I can totally dismantle and restore and re-engage my entire life before I go back to work.  It ain’t gonna happen, but it is a pleasant pipe dream to aim for.

I would prefer, honestly, to be able to post that I’ve written and call it a day.  Today would have been a good day for it, being off and all.  Having been inspired by last night’s writer’s group meeting even if it lead me to believe I am a different type of writer than everyone else and my experience with this book is different – not better or worse, not righter or wronger – than theirs are with their own work.  I am amply satisfied, however, by the reality that I got a few things done instead and I didn’t make a few things worse.  I actually brought the vacuum in here and used it for its specified purpose.  I actually emptied the dishwasher and washed all those pans.  I actually did like three loads of laundry and am entirely caught up with it.  This is the magical power of Civilization V.   It makes time very easy to parcel out.  There’s no worrying about running off mid-cutscene or accidentally having some sort of time-triggered banter that you miss because you ran to the bathroom at that particular moment, never to be recreated again.  Or at least not until your next playthrough or reload.

I did have to tell, mostly, my little sister that I think the Vegas trip is at least on hold for the moment.  I should have said that I just wasn’t going, but there was already some awkwardness because she was just trying to be nice about it and I was being absurdly evasive. It’s hard to explain why without going into things that weren’t okay things to go into either here or with her which makes it difficult because I know she’d understand immediately if I could just say that I can’t afford it at this particular moment.  I mean, next week, it should be that I can afford it entirely.  But even then, I am really unsure that I want to spend that money in that way.  I could use it and buy an XBox One.  I don’t know if that’s the right use of it either, I should probably pay down the credit card or something, but I could use a plane ride.  I could use a bit of adventure when some things are so rote as to feel like prison.

That and there’s so much going on that…it just feels less adventure and more just flat out risk.  But I don’t even feel like I am necessary to anything at the moment, not in the way that I did.  It’s sort of a different level of anxiety.

Right.  Okay.  Done.

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