Jenny Goes


Things are just a little bit off tonight.  Hiccups.

More travel nightmares.  It is just stupid.  Stupid, stupid, holy smokes stupid and I feel itchy about it.  But I will take care of it.  I will.

I have to think differently.  Positively as my computer downloads the DLC I may or may not be ready to play.

I love: that even though I felt like a martyr on the cross, that my legs were tied to stones, and that I legitimately was NOT HAVING FUN, I did get walking in today.  I am not going to use further qualifiers because, as with everything, it was entirely up to me how I would proceed and behave and despite the blister I got in attempting it, I up and decided I would walk the 4 miles today without the whole bouncing about to Leslie Sansone bit.  It is harder, but I would say that 2 miles were ably walked before I realized I wasn’t in the mood to walk anymore.

With regard to The Question (should I or should I not date because I am doing just about nothing to progress such a thing from happening and just about everything to keep it from happening so I am tasked with deciding, for a good long while, for my own piece of mind, what am I trying to do), I did think as my body felt a certain degree of pain from aggressively marching down the street, trying to walk this casual walk in as little time as possible, that all the things I want in my life, they’re going to cost and take more pain than this.  And the avoidance is the thing that makes things so hard.   So I love that I was at least willing to let my head go down that road.

I love the part of me that is willing to put herself through watching Say Yes to the Dress.

I am grateful that I was able to realize how fucked up the caffeine impact is on me when I haven’t eaten of, say, a caramel frappuccino.   I was able to know that was what was going on as my anxiety level got all whackadoo while my boss was driving on the highway that I was able to keep it together and not shake too much.  Another clue to stop it.

I am grateful for my friends who make me laugh even when I’m irritated as hell over the fact that this whole travel thing is fucked up yet and once again they bring out the laughter and the joy even if we’re all talking about Say Yes to the Dress and weddings and things that make me feel a bit crazed to begin with.

I am grateful for my father’s buoyancy, that even after the death of his brother, or perhaps in some ways as part of it, he will text me (something he’s newly learned) and tell me about all the cherry tomatoes that came out of the garden.

It is time to go to work.  Okay.  It is time to do.


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