None of that preparatory work is worthy today. We’re editing out the unnecessary, necessary to the process, but not to the piece.
We are bright and gold and gleaming on this side of the afternoon. We are burnished.
We are willing to start all of this anew. We are willing to wake up happy to breathe the free air, to pay attention to the details, to see how our presence can benefit others, to dance stupidly. For this moment, we’re are willing to risk a little failure to experience to the end result. To know how the story ends up, to knot that bow and let go of the ribbons.
My aunt has emerged from her surgery, and all looks well, inasmuch as anything about this is beautiful or lovely. She encapsulates that best edge, that silvery lining, that reason to carry on with good cheer. Because things do get better in the long view. If you’re an optimist and if you lean back far enough to fit it into view.
I am looking out of the glass door on the patio, with some bubbly pop music playing on YouTube, looking at a parking lot scene walled by more condos that match the one I’m sitting in. It’s a scene I’ve witnessed time after time, written poetry about, felt trapped by. Today, it’s just fine. Sunday, it was snowing, and there’s no sign of that snow or those feelings. We’ve just finished thirty minutes of walking which devolved or evolved depending on how you choose to look at it, into dancing. I think, obviously, that has contributed to this good mood.
Things at work continue to be troublesome and problematic and all of those words that express a tension I can’t and don’t want to delve into here. An old friend I refuse to let in the house after the last fiasco, so he settles on the doorstep, slides down the stairs, catches me when he can, and I think of him, though I wish I wouldn’t, when things are quiet. But today, there were blades of glass, prisms of light, that took the form of tiny clerical victories. Wins for the principle of things rather than cures for our woes, but I have to think that being positive will at least make the spinning feel a bit better than clinging to dread.
Spent way too long clinging to dread in my life. Will probably reach for it again. But today, today, I thought differently and got a different result. This is the mood that sets the stage for progress.
I told myself to stop worrying about reading a book like mine accidentally in case it would destroy my confidence, and got one of the Amazon Prime free kindle books that looks like it might have something to teach me download. Also started looking at desks which I think will make me feel a thousand times healthier than sitting in that bed for hours on end.
I will do what I can to replicate this tomorrow.