Lots of pale images lately. Not sure on the palette. Not on purpose, I don’t think, but it is fitting.
I have been writing on the story today, but I kind of feel like I need the structure of the post to pull me out of my funk. Today has been weird and lame, and bed-ridden for no reason. But I was
So I made some shitty life choices last night like staying up until 3pm watching small town city council meetings. And I almost completely fucked up our trip by refusing to look properly at the calendar and use my brain. Enough so I had to call an actual hotel and talk to an actual person to verify that we were not going to have our asses kicked out on the street before the event was even over. Because, honestly, if I didn’t have this advance notice, I’m not sure how in the hell we would have made this happen. Sleep in the car or something, pretty sure that would not be allowed. Or the ways we’d have to make this happen would have made it so much less pleasant. Nothing would be easily accessible. And the little sister would be really mad at me, rightfully so, because the whole thing about this is early access.
Sorry. Monday = explanations.
So yeah, I’ve been sort of depressy and not doing anything today. Nothing of note at all. I am feeling really hungry and ready for a diet break when this is when I need to start paying extra attention. I am not destroying the diet, I just need to get a grip. Some focus. Because I haven’t been losing weight, and I feel distracted and ready for giant bowls of popcorn and eating my way through this and I know that isn’t the right answer. I just want to feel that feeling of being able to shut myself up and turn myself on and deal with all of my problems through carbohydrates.
I may chew through this whole pack of gum.
Now I’m just trying to gather up some of these crazy loose ends that I have about and get some focus for tomorrow.
I’m refusing to think anything about emails or things said in emails or times between emails or if I misunderstood tone or if things are happening without my approval emotion-wise. Some percentage, of course, is thinking about it. But it doesn’t matter, regardless, because I did what I wanted to do with it.
I am now done with the Great British Bake-Off. Like Bee and Puppycat, all caught up on the two little episodes I’d missed. Epic Rap Battles of History. Watching Prairie Home Companion for a second. Anything to fill the void, I guess. It’s Chris Thile, though, so it’s better that the usual void-filling, nostalgia for a place I’ve never been sort of feeling it generally provides. Or Bioshock videos. Something. Something.
I want to run in the dark and start yelling. I want to pull the pin on that old grenade.