Ten minutes before it’s time to go home and I’ve made promises I’m going to have to wiggle to keep and I haven’t accomplished what I wanted, but here we are, and as we say around here, What the heck – we’re always behind.
I think I’d like to talk about the debate tonight if only because I feel very hamstrung lately about the forums I have to express myself online and trying to be cautious and polite with other people with differing feelings when in actuality, I think the fact they have differing feelings speaks very ill of them and I wonder why we are friends at all if I can’t express myself. But that’s the way it is with me right now. I don’t have the energy for confrontation, so I’ll holler my liberal views at you. And you can muster the strength to confront me and call me out on it if you wish, and I will attempt to muster the energy to answer.
So, all day long we have been watching the news about Jessica Ridgefield, the lost girl who was kidnapped just up the road from me, and perhaps, whose body has been discovered along the road I drive home every day from work. We’ve been watching on tenterhooks and still have no obvious answer about what will come of that and as I went to get my dinner, I passed the signs posted on nearly every window everywhere you go around here, and I realized that we share a birthdate. This is one of those things that means nothing but what it was made to mean, and I shuddered against this synchronicity, this helpless feeling that has gripped this whole community, the way I walk so fearlessly through the day when someone, somehow, might be out there, this evil beast, this thing beyond, is just lurking. Waiting, I suppose, to be caught or strike again.
It is a weird shadow to watch this debate under, but it made me consider how despite this terror, this sudden shock to the system that reminds us that safety is an illusion, I generally feel safer now than I did four years ago. That illusion, while exactly that – thin and unreal – is entirely necessary. We have to move on and get stronger and I feel like the current administration is just getting started. Things are just beginning to move and release and people are just beginning to re-situate themselves with a sense of security. I just felt lie there was someone who wanted that to happen with every fiber of his being. Someone who wouldn’t stand for murderers to escape or for families to suffer or for women’s bodies to be given over to strangers. Maybe this direct, fervent, radiating sense of wellbeing is in garish contrast with the savage nature of the world and our politics. But that’s my takeaway. What we have now is not perfect, but a lot of it is good and tough and sincere. The opposition feels like the Devil I don’t.