So. I didn’t die today. Wasn’t end of the world. I managed the things I had to manage. Nerve-wracking, speed-demon triage, but I did it. I came home without being sad. I am not currently, at this very moment, sad. It could have been tremendously worse. It still could be. There could be repercussions for the choices I made. But I have three days off. Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. And I’ve decided to use them the way I want and need to use them. To say goodbye to this rather bland and inexplicably wholly forgettable year and get ready for the potential of leaping off into a new year. There’s hope. There is. I know this makes me seem so manic and so vague and I can’t explain myself because this is a, essentially, a public space…but, there’s a window. No, more than that, there’s a door. A lockable door that I can close and lock and throw the key into the ocean. And everything about this year that I find frustrating and lonesome and aching and stupid and faily and wrong, can be behind that door. This is just semantics but there is extraordinary, tremendous, magical power in semantics.
So we have to look forward.
Tomorrow is the last day of the year. We’ve done this shit one more time, how amazing is it that we’ve been able to keep it up for another whole year.
And you know what my goal is? Next year I want something to happen that would make it worthwhile to me to fuck this up. I want something to happen that takes a whole 24+ hours of my full attention. Something that fun and that joyful and I want to feel that free to let it go for 1 day. And then come back the next day and have the reason to write. I don’t know that it’ll happen, but I want it to. I want to work towards that.
So let’s remember the recipe. Monday we begin. I think I may get a calendar.
-Exercise 3 days a week – sparkpeople exercise plan – I need to get the Wii sorted, but I have options there, but there’s a calorie number to help me get a benchmark.
– Drink water, building up to 8 8-ounces glasses a day (if that’s feasible for me, I think that may always just be too uncomfortable for me – I am a short person)
– Only eat out once a week for dinner. Trying to limit what we do as far as lunch meetings so it’s not constant jarring to my brain. I am eating healthy now.
– Tracking my food in spark people, doing my best to follow it, not killing myself if I don’t.
– Continue not drinking soda (how the hell did I give that up?)
– Check in with my friend and encourage one another to keep going.
– Do a weekly weigh-in.
-Lose 20 pounds by 5/20/2012.
Let’s go, girls.