I went to the Renaissance Faire today. Last weekend for it, last day, in fact, and the plan originally was to wear my peasant faire dress. The RenFaire is wholly and utterly the only appropriate place for that get-up and as I was trying to manipulate the off-color strings that lace up the bodice and I was feeling the humidity in the air start to pearl into little beads of sweat along my hairline, it seemed clear to me that this was a recipe for disaster. That my mood, already altered by how terrible I felt I looked in said dress, was going to be downright chthonic walking around in 90+ degree heat for hours on end. So, I said, self, what do you want here? To tart around in this outfit just because you love being a part of the dressed-up crowd at the faire, miserable and sweating and grousing at everyone who should see how miserable and sweating you are but never does and all of a sudden it’s this big emotional thing OR can you just wear some clothes and a hat and go to the Faire.
I think only people who have that thin mote of whimsy settled in their eyes could understand why this would even need to be a fifteen minute self-discussion.
But, we went, with a modicum of dignity and a tiny piece of self-control and a minor panic and anxiety thing since I was pretty sure the duct tape on my car wasn’t going to hold for an hour and a half car ride on the highway in the heat (and then that my car was going to overheat and we’d be stranded) and basically walked around, going, oh, hey, it’s pretty much like it always is. Oh. Hey, do I really need a leather pouch? Do I really need a crystal necklace? The answer being, now, suddenly, clearly no.
I didn’t feel connected to it at all.
I got my palm read, along with some Tarot and a brief handwriting analysis. For 20 bucks, I feel I got my money’s worth, though I think the handwriting wasn’t entirely right. I don’t consider myself someone who shoots from the hip. Like at all. But the lady was sweet and she didn’t try to sell me any books on angels or whatnot. I could read some of the cards for myself. The present draw had The Lovers, the High Priestess. The past the Ace of Swords. The future the Magician. Right now is an important time for me. On many levels.
Also. Today, today I decided was the end of the crazy food run. It just is. If only because I physically cannot continue it and not because my mind is ready to move on to a more elevated way of being.
I am in this body. This mind and heart are in this body. This alabaster lobster.