Dumbfounded: Day 3

Okay, have your little laugh and get to work.

This is where the fun is.  These moments I spend all day, glass-eyed and grazing the middle distances in wait for.  This is where my life emerges.  So, quickly, girl.  Get the tale of the day put down on record and then we can do all manner of glorious things.   Play the guitar or pretend to play the guitar and pretend to know what we’re doing while we build up those impossible calluses that I fundamentally loathe but must have to be the guitarist my soul craves to me.  Make dinner, a delicious, low-carb, not all that hungry but I’ll eat anyway dinner of a turkey burger with the basil mayo and cauliflower and revel in the good humor that making your own good food will put you in.  Drink so much water they’ll confuse me for the Red Sea.    Run about cleaning or something that I can actually consider exercise.  It looks like there’s plenty of that to be had as we’re fixing the window and the nigh-constantly running toilet while I’m at work so I’ll be a busy little beaver this evening making it traversable.   No yawning now!

Got a compliment from the co-worker about the weight loss.  Well, we’re working on it.  We’re just making it work and we’re not worrying about it at all.  It’ll happen because we’re making it happen.  Along with all our other plans.  We’re not giving up any piece of it even if we have go to a bit slower to keep it all in our arms.

Thinking today about wanting to go to Telluride next year.  Wanting to camp and enjoy the beauty of the state.  Hoping to have lots of things to celebrate by then, too.

Um, let’s see what other big plans I have to tell you about that aren’t too nebulous in my brain to specify here.  Maybe there are no other plans than just the Great Plan which has always been just one thing: pursue happiness.  One of the problems that seems to pop up is that I critically don’t always believe I should have that right that’s been so constitutionally provided upon me, simply because of a flawed nature that I have only to bear and accept.  The Great Plan is to get over that kind of falsity and Pursue Happiness on my terms.  Terms that include not dragging around a notably unnecessary amount of stomach, writing fiction and poetry every day, trying new things, drinking alcohol even when unnecessary, shaking my ass especially when unnecessary, making anxiety and panic a very small if non-existent part of my life, being fearless when possible,  not making Atlasean assumptions about my role (it’s definitely not holding up the cosmos), finding joy in other people and in giving others joy, too.

So, let’s not dillydally here, looking at Tumblr and trying to make the night longer than it is.  It is so short to begin with, it’s precious, precious time.  Someday I’ll get to be human all day long.

Today: 156.6
Yesterday: 156.6
Goal: 153 by July 1