The Same Rain That Draws You Near Me: Day 19

I am home.  This is very relieving.  Today was event day and I am glad to be able to report that while now I can see my way clear to tomorrow’s problems and potential ulcer triggers, we got through today without the co-workers at eachothers’ throats (at least not so far as I am aware) and I didn’t pass out and I am not in a blind rage as I sort of expected would be the case by the time I got myself transported back to my little dusty rose coverletted bed.  Coverletted is not a word, unfortunately, but that is only because no one has sat down somewhere coverletted and been moved to describe their location as such.  Now it has been done officially so you can go forth with coverletting confidence.

Points I wanted to make as the time dwindles away.

I am proud of myself today.  Not only because I avoided emotional upheaval but because I stared temptation in the face and gave it the finger.   While I didn’t realize it at the time, today was/is (for a few more minutes) National Doughtnut Day.  My boss announced this when he brought in the usual dozen of Event Day doughnuts and I thought that he made it up until my friends let me know that they got free doughnuts at Krispy Kreme and I put two and two together.  But the doughnuts had no pull.  I wasn’t hungry and I didn’t care that other people were eating them.  I’m still a girl on a mission – at least for a few more weeks as the plans are currently outlaid – and deciding off the cuff to eat a doughnut my body decidedly does not want would suck.  It would really suck and I could almost taste the guilt when I thought about gloopy chocolate and headache-inducing sugar granules.  Very different experience than two weeks ago when it felt like such a who-the-fuck-knows if you can do this diet or not deal.

So, avoided that.  Ate the top off some pizza along with my usual lunch food, but didn’t touch the crust.  Then, we had our event and there was no appropriate food.  No time to allow for me to go get appropriate food.  I was sort of, stupidly, deciding not to eat.  Like I just wouldn’t feel lightheaded and shitty this time for some unknown reason.  But then my sisters showed up and got me a lettuce wrap which was perfect and just as the doctor might have ordered if the doctor wrote prescriptions for italian sub/lettuce wraps from Jimmy Johns.

I don’t feel like I missed out on anything.  Instead, I feel like I finally didn’t use the stress as an excuse to give up.  Tomorrow will be an even greater test, but I can do it.  I can let the process take me forward instead of fighting it.  I thought about Chipotle tonight in an abstract, absurd way.  In the past, I’d be checking the clock to see if I could get there by 10.   Instead, I knew I was full and fine and there’d be more in the morning and the impulse was gone.

Today: 158.6

Yesterday: 158.6 (I think there is something fucked up with the state of the scale, but I really can’t afford a third one if the problem is actually my inability to weigh myself)
Goal: 155 by June 16