This isn’t quite the evening of domestic rhapsody I had hoped. Work was a mess today. Just totally at the bottom of the dogpile and nobody noticed as much as I guess I expected them to? Sort of. When you’re being pressed (gently, friendly, sweetly, kindly) by the accountants to get them information and three or four guys are just hanging out in your office drinking coffee and shooting the shit and reading things on your desk, or your co-worker needs to borrow your printing calculator for home and has to have a half an hour conversation about it, and your other co-worker hies off home yet again for some malady we’re meant to accept…okay, I’m getting snarky and stupid since I’m hungry, well, let’s just say with these huge levels of distraction, it may happen that you don’t get a single degree of what you needed done. And have to stay late until you just get so fed up that you decide to leave it for morning.
I left it for morning.
But now, at least, I got a load of laundry in, I got my ravioli cooking, I got my YNAB open and ready for inputting as soon as the online banking with my bank decides to be re-enabled again.
Okay. I need to cool my jets for a minute here. I got too excited about inputting and then the ravioli kind of exploded in the water and I salvaged what I could and ate it much too ravenously. I forgive myself the food fuckery today since it wasn’t deranged food fuckery, just me trying to fit two hours into one and schedule myself so full that I can’t move or think. That does have a seriously negative effect, if only in the quality of what you actually do get done. I’ve been trying to make sure I don’t waste these four hours, but I have to defrag (or defragmatize as someone I know says) for a second every now and then.
I have to push and give and push and give. Makes it a little difficult to find time to be a witness to the rising vernal essences that ride the edges of these cold winds and promise an ease, a birth, a push and give. I just have to have faith that they’re there and they’ll still be there when I find the strength to force slack into my life instead of just constant tautness, constant battling.
And John Denver sings a song and I could break into hormonal wails in communion with the veracity and powerful peace in his words, but there isn’t time for that tonight, so I’m just going to take a breath and thank the universe for him. There is wonder on this earth. We do not know everything. We are better than we do and can do better than we believe. I’ll say this and get back to the laundry, wii, bike, water, and the niggling desire to negotiate with my food tracker.